Beloved of All
by Yumemakura
Summary: This is my first writing. - The last ten years of Hephaistion's life with my imagination.
1. Chapter 1: Cassander

Chapter 1: Cassander

Hephaistion was tired. He was so very tired. Most soldiers hated passing time before the battle, some of them had a great difficulty dealing with fear and anxiety. But for Hephaistion, the time after the battle was the worst to cope with. He feared for Alexander's life, and had an anxiety before the battle like others, but it was nothing comparing with the unbearable emptiness and sorrow he felt after the battle.

During the battle, there was not time to think. Hephaistion fought by instinct, instinct to ensure Alexander's survival. Nothing more, nothing less. There was no glory to it. He simply fought by Alexander's side, slashing everything that came too close to Alexander. Hephaistion did not hear anything either. All the noises of clinging swords, war cries, screams, and neighs of horses were muffled in his ears, as if he was deep under the water. It did not used to be like this at the beginning though.

Hephaistion still remembered his first fight at the Battle of Chaeronia. Both Alexander and he were young in their teens, and Philip was still alive to reign as the King of Macedon. Right before the battle started, he found himself excited, excited for Alexander. Alexander's anticipation and determination to be brave like his Greek hero Achilles infected him. Even then, at his young age, Alexander possessed a strange power over others. He made others feel invincible as if they had a full blessing from the gods.

But that one moment, the moment when Hephaistion realized that he had taken a life of a man with his own hands, everything around him crumbled. He should not have felt this way. He should have felt glory. He should have been proud of himself. But, he did not. Instead, he felt emptiness, guilt, and pain. Hephaistion could not help thinking of his enemy's personal life. The only consolation was that he knew the soldier shared the death with his love.

As of today, after more than five years, Hephaistion still recalled the man's face vividly. The face was filled with surprise and regrets when his sword speared the man's chest. Probably, surprise that he couldn't believe what was really happening to him, and regrets that he had to leave this world so suddenly and so unprepared. From time to time, the man's face haunted Hephaistion as a form of nightmare.

In nightmare, the man's face floated over just inches away from Hephaistion 's own. He tried to get away, but he could not move even a finger as if he was pinned to the bed by some kind of invisible force. He tried to scream, but he could not open his mouth. He knew that the nightmare would be over only if he could move a single muscle of his body, but he could not break this evil spell. When his chest became so tight, and the man's face almost consumed him, Hephaistion woke up screaming, his heart pounding so hard and every inch of his body covered with cold sweats.

Hephaistion closed his eyes briefly to shake the memory of nightmares out of his mind. He surveyed the field and noticed that the soldiers' spirits were up despite the loss of comrades. Alexander had won another major battle against out numbered Persians, with his genius strategies and unbeatable courage, and most importantly, with his ability to transfer his determination to his generals, and to all levels of his solders. The battle was over, at least for now.

Hephaistion spotted Alexander in the distance through the dust. Even after the battle, Alexander was walking among the soldiers approving and congratulating them on their brave fight. The men loved this attention from the King, and you could hear loud cheers wherever Alexander moved. Hephaistion smiled at this, and turned around to head back to his tent. Alexander always wanted his Generals gathered after the battle at his tent to do a briefing, Hephaistion wanted to wash off some of the blood and grime before the meeting. Although the meeting usually ended up with lots of wine and silly stories of each general's close calls, there were various points to be brought to the table for future battles.

"_I must have turned around too quick,"_ Hephaistion thought, as everything in front of his eyes became white, like all of sudden the sun increased its intensity so much. "Hephaistion!" He heard the voice, and at the same time, he felt a strong arm come around his waist and another hand grab his arm to support him. "Cassander?" He whispered. Cassander was the last person Hephaistion wanted to see his weakness, but he did not have a choice. He knew that he was too exhausted to refuse Cassander's assistance, so he followed Cassander's guide in silence with his eyes closed, as helpless as a blind man.

Although it must looked awkward; Hephaistion and Cassander were never close, Hephaistion did not hear any of his men raising qustions_. "Cassander must be doing an excellent job of making it look natural."_ Hephaistion thought to himself. It felt an eternity; at the same time it was just a blink of an eye until they reached Hephaistion's tent.

As soon as Cassander opened the flap and guided him inside, Hephaistion felt his knees give in, and he fell into Cassander's arms. Cassander did not let him fall. He lifted him up, and carried him to the bed. Hephaistion was aware of his surroundings, but he did not open his eyes. He did not have enough energy to meet Cassander's mocking gaze, disapproving him as weak.

Then, he felt cool wet clothes start wiping his face. Something was different. There was tenderness in it he could sense. Hephaistion opened his eyes, and surprisingly met with Cassander's light green eyes filled with worry and concerns. Hephaistion tried to get up, but Cassander gently pushed him back. "Stay. I will tell Alexander." Hephaistion slightly nodded in recognition, and let his head sink heavily in to the pillow. It did not take a moment until he drifted away to a deep sleep which his body had been screaming for.

*****

Cassander did not leave right away. He sat there watching Hephaistion's pale yet still so beautiful face. It was then; he noticed a big swell of emotion spilled over in his heart. He realized that he did not hate Hephaistion, but he cared for him. He could not help feeling the strong urge to protect Hephaistion from any pain; even if it meant confronting Alexander. Surprised by this realization, Cassander looked deep into his mind. "When did I start caring for Hephaistion?" His mind went back to the day of their first hunt together.

It was a fine day in September. Although morning started with cool dew, it was still rather warm during the day. The hunt was successful, especially for Hephaistion on that day. Hephaistion was carrying a deer tied on a branch with Ptolemy behind, which he killed earlier in the morning. Everybody was in a cheerful mood. Alexander was proudly walking by Hephaistion, a few rabbits tied around his waist, and Cassander was walking on the other side of Hephaistion.

They were walking down the hill to the camp they set for the night. All of sudden, a rock became loose under Hephaistion's foot, and he lost his balance. Alexander grabbed his left arm, and Cassander grabbed his right arm. Then, he felt a strong glare and met Alexander's piercing gaze. It was saying "Hephaistion is mine, mine only. Nobody dare to touch him."

Hephaistion giggled, and thanked them. "Hephaistion, you not only look like a girl, but walk like a girl too." Cassander caught himself saying to his own surprise. Hephaistion looked at him with those beautiful eyes, however, there was no hate in them, just a sorrow, and almost a pity. It was there and then, Cassander had decided to hate Hephaistion, since Hephaistion was Alexander's and could never be his. . He had been trying so hard to make himself believe that he hated Hephaistion, because it was the easiest and less painful thing to do.

Now, after over eight years, Cassander realized that he started to love Hephaistion on the same day he decided to hate Hephaistion. Disturbed and astonished by this new finding, Cassander looked on Hephaistion's beautiful face once more before standing up. He now knew that he could not pretend anymore no matter how badly it hurt. As he left Hephaistion's tent, Cassander ordered one of the pages to prepare the bath when Hephaistion woke up.

The page looked at him with an expression of disbelief. _"This kind of tender words should never come from General Cassander, especially concerning our Hephaistion."_ Cassander could read the page's thought like it was reflected in a mirror. He smiled to himself bitterly. He was somewhat relieved by admitting the truth, but at the same time, he was feeling the weight of the burden he had to carry from this day on.

Cassander was the last to arrive at Alexander's tent. Other generals were already gathered around the table, they were in the mood for celebration, with a few cups of strong wine consumed in their stomachs.

"You are late." Alexander stated weakly with absent mind.

"And Hephaistion is not even here yet." Crateros barked.

Cassander ignored Crateros, looked at Alexander and said, "Hephaistion won't be coming tonight."

Alexander shifted uncomfortably. He asked, "Was he injured?"

"No, but he is exhausted. He needs rest."

"Ha, the boy does not have a stomach for real men's game, huh?" Crateros said, looking at Cassander seeking an agreement from him. If it had been yesterday, Cassander would have been the first to agree with Crateros. But it was different now. Crateros looked puzzled by Cassander's unusual behavior, but did not say any more words. And the subject was closed when Alexander said irritably,

"That is enough Crateros!"

The gathering went on, but it was not the same without Hephaistion. Alexander looked so lost without having Hephaistion by his side, and soon he excused himself to retire. However, it was obvious to the generals that Alexander was not going to retire to his bed, but going to visit Hephaistion. Alexander felt uncertain with the outcome of the battle along with the fact that Darius had escaped and still lived. Even it was considered as a major victory against Persians, something was lacking and Alexander went to seek Hephaistion for the assurance.

Alexander quietly entered Hephaistion's tent. He moved to a chair by Hephaistion's bed as his eyes adjusted to the dim light. Hephaistion was sleeping restlessly. Even in this stage of sleep, the face carried a deep line between his perfect brows. Alexander gently traced the line. Hephaistion's face relaxed as if Alexander had just erased his agony. Hephaistion stirred, and opened his eyes. He was surprised but happy to see Alexander.

"I am sorry I missed the meeting."

"Don't mention it. Although I missed you, I rather want you to be well."

Hearing Hephaistion's voice, a page entered and announced to Hephaistion that the bath was ready. The page answered king's questioning eyes,

"General Cassander ordered it before he left, my King."

Alexander murmured, "General Cassander? Battles must start to play strange tricks on people's minds. Hum, but it sounds good."

Hephaistion smiled mischievously,

"Would you like to join me?"

Alexander grinned, took Hephaistion's hand in his and started to guide him to the bath. He now felt everything starting to fall into the right places once again.


	2. Chapter 2: Bagoas

Chapter 2: Bagoas

They were all gathered in king Darius' tent to mourn his death after they found the king's armor left on the battlefield. However, Bagoas was simply nervous. He was also a little sad of course, because Darius was his master, and he did not have any bitter feelings against his king. He was the king's "eromenos", but Bagoas did not consider Darius as his "erastes". He saw himself as a love slave, a slave who was highly skilled to entertain. He was trained to please, not to love.

So, he did not mind being a slave of this new king, Alexander, as well, but he was afraid that Alexander would abandon him. He was afraid to be left in the street, he was most afraid to live in poverty. He could not give up the luxurious life he was accustomed to. Bagoas heard a lot about Alexander, Alexander the Great. Some said he was a cruel king who would destroy everything which stood in his path without remorse. And others said that he was a golden god himself. Bagoas could not make out what kind of fate would wait for him.

Then, he saw two Macedonians enter the tent. Although they did not have helmets on, they were fully dressed in armor. Bagoas recognized one of them as King Alexander right away for his golden hair. He was pleased to notice that the king was very handsome and his muscles were well toned. He was also so young for a king.

However, it was this young Macedonian who stood by the king whom Bagoas could not take his eyes off. He was slightly taller than Alexander, but was more slender than the king, yet still muscular in build, furthermore he was even more beautiful than Alexander. And his eyes, Bagoas had never seen such a beautiful color in human eyes; they were as blue as Persian skies. And most of all, this stranger was surrounded by such a graceful ambience.

Consequently, Bagoas understood completely when queen Sisygambis approached this beautiful young man and knelt in front of him, mistaking him for the king. Bagoas froze in terror. He was sure that King Alexander would execute them all, right there and then with his own hands. Then he heard unbelievable words coming out of Alexander's mouth. "Do not worry, you were not mistaken, for he is Alexander too." The king was smiling kindly. Bagoas looked at the other man, but he could not read his expression, since his gaze was cast down to the floor.

The queen started to plead with Alexander to have a proper funeral for king Darius, but Alexander stopped her. He broke the surprising news that king Darius was not dead, and his royal families were all under Alexander's protection. Bagoas' heart almost stopped. He was not a member of Darius' family, thus he did not qualify to have Alexander's protection.

As soon as Alexander and Hephaistion entered king Darius' tent, Hephaistion noticed that the young Persian boy was watching him intently. He was a little feminine in feature, but had a beautiful and exotic face, yet did not have a similarity with the rest of Darius' royal family. Hephaistion had never met a eunuch before but he presumed that the boy was the king's companion. When the boy went pale at Alexander's statement, Hephaistion could not help but speak up. The boy looked so vulnerable.

"What is your name?" Hephaistion asked in Greek.

"Bagoas, my lord." He answered in Greek as well. Satisfied with this, Hephaistion continued.

"Would you like to serve king Alexander?"

"Yes, my lord."

Hephaistion turned around and whispered to Alexander.

"Take him under your wing. The boy could be useful since he understands both Persian and Greek. Besides, he would be tossed around among the soldiers like a toy if you don't."

Alexander recognized immediately what Hephaistion saw in Bagoas, and agreed that he could not throw this boy in the middle of the wolf pack. He told Bagoas,

"Very well, Bagoas. You will serve as a personal servant of the king from now on. Follow Hephaistion and he will show you where to stay."

Bagoas bowed, and looked up at Hephaistion. He noticed his heart started beating faster and his cheeks flushed when he saw Hephaistion smiling at Alexander. The king's features softened immediately, and he returned a gentle smile back to Hephaistion. It was then Bagoas understood that the king and Hephaistion were not just close friends but lovers. Other people might overlook, but nothing escaped Bagoas' observations. Reading people's body language was another skill for survival. Although Bagoas was grateful with this arrangement, he knew his life, as king's personal slave would not be an easy one, since he was desperately falling for this beautiful king's love.

"Hephaistion…"

Bagoas repeated his name as if he would savor it.


	3. Chapter 3: Cleitus

Chapter 3: Cleitus

Two years passed, and Alexander finally had a chance to face Darius again. Alexander called all generals to meet at his tent to discuss the strategy of the upcoming battle at Gaugamela. Parmenion, who was the most experienced of all, suggested to Alexander to attack Darius during the night. He also claimed that this ambush attack could be the only chance for Alexander's army to win the battle. Cleitus agreed, stating that it would be a good tactic to win over an enemy who outnumbered them.

Hephaistion interjected,

"Darius may be thinking the same, and would keep his armies up all night to prepare for an attack." Crateros tried to argue, but Alexander agreed before he could voice.

"Yes, Hephaistion. I am opposed to an attack at night as well. I will position my flanks the way Darius cannot resist sending his major force to the left. Parmenion and Philotas, your mission is to keep the ground of the left flank as long as possible. And when I see the first gap, we will go straight through to finish Darius. To do this, I need daylight. I cannot see the progress in the dark."

Crateros was bitter to see Alexander was now agreeing with Hephaistion even on war tactics. On the other hand, Cleitus saw some points in Hephaistion's theory, and thought Hephaistion might not be as naïve as other generals thought on army strategies.

It proved that Hephaistion was right once the battle started. Darius' army was tired with the lack of sleep and rest, and Alexander's army seemed to have a clear advantage over them after an ample rest. Cleitus started pay more attention to Hephaistion. He saw Hephaistion fighting along side of Alexander. No, he was not fighting, but he was guarding Alexander. He was literally a commander of the bodyguards to Alexander.

When Cleitus shifted his eyes back to Alexander, he saw a spear aimed at Alexander's back. He dashed to Alexander, but he knew that he could not make it in time. It was then Hephaistion moved in the path of spear and used his body as a shield. The spear went through Hephaistion's upper left arm and missed Alexander's heart. Alexander did not notice Hephaistion's injury as he saw the gap in Darius' army and charged to the center of the Persian army to finish Darius. Cleitus hurried to Hephaistion who was now kneeling on the ground supporting himself with a sword. Blood was flowing freely, and Cleitus feared that the spear might have penetrated a major artery. Cleitus tore a part of his chiton and tied it tight around Hephaistion's upper arm. Then, he pulled him up on his feet, and helped him to mount his horse. Cleitus mounted himself behind Hephaistion, so he could support him. He ordered one of the soldiers to fetch doctor Phillip from the field hospital, and bring him to Alexander's tent. Cleitus wanted to make sure that Hephaistion would receive the best care. He placed Hephaistion's left hand on his right shoulder to keep his injured arm raised.

Hephaistion groaned in pain, but managed to mumble.

"Is Alexander…"

"He is unharmed. Thanks to you, Hephaistion. You did well, very well. Coward Darius is running away and it is the victory of Alexander's army again."

Hephaistion was relieved, and felt his consciousness slip away. Holding Hephaistion in his arms, Cleitus noticed that his opinion against Hephaistion had changed. He did not consider Hephaistion useless or unskilled anymore. On the contrary, he valued Hephaistion as a great strategist. Who could think through how Darius might react? Although his combat skill did not look a polished one, because he did not really fight, but simply guarded Alexander, he used it in most effective way.

Now, Cleitus could see the real Hephaistion without clouded eyes of jealousy, and understood how difficult and lonely was the path Hephaistion had chosen. Then, the recognition hit Cleitus hard. He was once a companion of Philip and loved by the king. He still remembered the day he was replaced by a younger companion. King Philip smiled sadly and told Cleitus that he was no longer needed in the king's bedchamber, as he had outgrown it.

He was hurt, and even hated king Philip for a while. But now, he understood the king's real love; the king had pushed him away so that his life would be easier. He did not have to constantly prove his merit like Hephaistion did, as everybody easily accepted his credit. Cleitus felt a slight anger towards Alexander. He thought Alexander was selfish keeping Hephaistion close and making him suffer. But at the same time, Cleitus could not help feeling envious. Alexander's love and devotion for Hephaistion were so inevitable.

As soon as they arrived at Alexander's tent, Cleitus carried Hephaistion in and put him on the bed. He heard Bagoas gasp, but ordered him to bring plenty of clean water and cloths. There was no time for sentiment. Soon, the doctor arrived, and Cleitus moved aside to give him room. There was a commotion outside of the tent, and Alexander and Cassander rushed in. Alexander went straight to Hephaistion, but Cassander stayed behind with Cleitus. When Cleitus met Cassander's worried features, Cleitus knew that Hephaistion also touched Cassander's heart. He nodded to Cassander to show that he was an accomplice as well.

It took a good two hours before doctor completed treating Hephaistion, because he had to stitch muscle, tissue and skin separately for proper healing. Doctor Philip reported to Alexander as he stood up,

"He lost a fair amount of blood, but he will survive. He won't be able to use his arm for at least for a month though."

Alexander let out the breath he was holding in relief, thanked the doctor and sat on a chair by Hephaistion. He was pale, but looked serene. Alexander did not know if Hephaistion was conscious or not, but he started to whisper to him.

"This is the second time I am spending at your bedside after the battle, and this time I almost lost you. I do not know how much more I can take. I am starting to wonder if conquering the world is worth it if the cost I have to pay is you."

Hephaistion spoke weakly but firmly without opening his eyes,

"Alexander, I did not leave you, did I? Do not be wary, but carry on your dreams. That's the only thing that should matter. You know I will follow you till the end."

Alexander took Hephaistion's hand in his, and kissed the palm firmly.


	4. Chapter 4: Philotas

Chapter 4: Philotas

It was winter again in Babylon. The winter in Babylon this year was particularly severe, the morning temperature went down close to freezing point on some days. It was one of those early mornings, still dark; Philotas was walking to his younger brother Nicanor's funeral while in deep thought. Fate came down so suddenly for the soldier who had survived many brutal battles. He fell ill a couple days ago, and now he was gone. Philotas knew that it was illogical, but he could not help thinking that somehow Alexander was responsible for his brother's death. So, he took comfort by planning retribution. However, it was not just a personal revenge for his brother, but Philotas believed that he was putting things back together as they belonged.

Philotas possessed a bitter feeling against Alexander. He thought Alexander was too radical in his tactics, and did not respect the old Macedonian way. Especially in Gaugamela, Philotas felt that Alexander did not treat him and his father with respect. Alexander placed them for a defense, just to be crashed by Persians. It was indeed a victory for Alexander's army, but it was a clear defeat for his and his father's flank. Philotas believed Alexander did this deliberately, because Philotas and his father were veterans under king Philip's service, thus Alexander did not want them to be a source of his credit. He also disagreed with Alexander when he ordered solders not to touch the houses of local occupants when they entered Babylon. It was not a Macedonian way. You should have been granted to take victory prizes, and enemies should be punished, not to be allowed to strive.

As he arrived at his father's house where Nicanor's funeral was held, he saw his mistress standing by the door talking with Crateros, with her back towards Philotas. Crateros looked at him, and grinned over his mistress's shoulder. Philotas felt a knot in his stomach, and blood rushed down from his face. His heart started to pound so fast. The moment when he saw Crateros' face, he knew exactly what she was saying to him. She could not do this to him. It was just pillow talk; it should have not gone beyond the bedchamber.

Crateros felt very lucky to catch Philotas' mistress at the door. She came to pay her respects to the dead, but knowing that none of the women except the first kin of the family was allowed to attend the funeral, she waited for Philotas at the door. When Crateros arrived, he recognized her and introduced himself as Philotas' loyal soldier. She was pleased with this recognition, lowered her guard, and told Craterus that she was worried for Philotas, because she thought he might put himself in danger. Crateros asked, "How so?"

She hesitated for a moment.

"I may be able to protect him if I know what it is," he added tenderly.

She sighed and continued, "Well, he told me that he was thinking of avenging his brother, and he mentioned that king Alexander is the cause of this. It is insane if he is thinking of harming the great king. He would not stand a chance."

"Do not worry, I will take care of it."

Crateros had been serving under Pilotas and his father Parmenion, but he never liked Philotas. He was arrogant, and used every opportunity to remind Crateros of his superiority both in army ranks and in family heritage. So when he could extract this piece of information from Philotas' mistress, he was quite happy. He knew it would be a ticket for his advancement in Alexander's army.

Alexander once dismissed the idea of Philotas planning a plot, but this time it was more serious. One of his most trusted generals and from a more reliable source brought up the information. Alexander could not just ignore it, and had Philotas arrested for an inquiry the next day after Parmenion left for Ecbatana. Several generals questioned him, and Hephaistion was one of them.

When Hephaistion entered the tent where Philotas was kept, he saw Philotas tied securely to the center pole of the tent. Philotas gave a glare while Hephaistion sat himself on the stool in front of him.

"I am not a traitor." Philotas said proudly.

"I know. You just wished glory for Macedonia."

Philotas looked Hephaistion with astonishment, but soon it turned to anger.

"If you understand, why don't you persuade the king?"

Hepahaistion continued,

"Philotas, you have to understand. Alexander's world is not limited just to Macedonia, but to an entire world. His real purpose and dream is to bring a peace to the world. All the battles he had been fighting and will be fighting are the necessary evils to bring the peace he wants."

"But why does he cherish the enemy? He himself is turning into a Persian! He even dresses like one of them now!"

"He knows that different cultures are the source of strength to unite the world. That is why he never tries to change the culture of people whom he conquers."

Philotas felt defeated. He never saw the world this way. For Philotas, the world meant only one, sweet Macedonia. All of a sudden Philotas felt his world shrunk to nothing and lost in this vast world.

Next morning, Alexander gathered the assembly of 6000 troops. Philotas was tried in front of them, and the assembly sentenced him as guilty. He was to be executed. But, somehow Philotas felt calm. He could now accept his fate, because at least one man understood why he did it, and he also understood how wrong he was. There was reconciliation. When the spear was aimed at him, Philotas looked for the blue eyes, and found them focused on him solemnly. He nodded to Hephaistion slightly, and did not avert his gaze until his last breath left his body. It was soothing to be drawn into those blue eyes of pure soul.

Alexander did what was necessary. He sent his trusted messengers to Ecbatana and had Parmenion killed after Philotas's execution. His heart sulked, but this was the only solution he had to avoid wars among Macedonians. This was the first bitter price Alexander had to pay for his dream.


	5. Chapter 5: Death of Cleitus

Chapter 5: Death of Cleitus

Everybody was cheerful at the banquet. There were good food, enjoyable entertainment, and most importantly, plenty of good wine. All had a good share of it as well. Especially, Alexander was extremely happy about his recent accomplishment. He felt that he had finally exceeded his father for the first time in his life.

"Now, I am not only the king of Macedon, but the king of Asia. I have already achieved more than my father. I promise you, if you follow me, I will take you all into glory beyond way my father could even have imagined." This did not go down well with Cleitus. Cleitus barked,

"At what cost in sacrifice?"

Cleitus could not stand anybody criticizing HIS king Philip, even Alexander.

Hephaistion looked at Alexander in alarm, and saw Alexander's whole body tensed in anger.

"You disapprove of me Cleitus?"

The tone of his voice was quiet, but everybody could sense a rage in his voice.

"No, Alexander, you are the one who is disapproving of king Philip, the great Macedonian king!" Cleitus shouted.

"My father might have been a great Macedonian king, but I brought more glory to you as a great king of the whole of Asia!"

"At what cost?"

Now, the cheerful mood of the banquet was quickly dissipated. Some of them were gathered around Alexander with Hephaistion to hold him back, and some of them went to Cleitus to pull him back.

Cleitus knew that he should have stopped at this point, and made his peace with Alexander, but something inside of him did not let him. He wanted to make Alexander understand how considerate king Philip was. He wanted make Alexander realize what a difficult path Alexander had forced on Hephaistion. So, Cleitus went on,

"Look what happened to Parmenion and Philotas. Is this the kind of great glory you promise us? If it had been Philip, this kind of shame would never have happened."

There was a dead silence. Everybody knew Cleitus had now gone too far. The execution of Parmenion and Philotas had been a sore subject for Alexander, and there was an unspoken agreement among the men not to talk about it, especially in front of Alexander.

For just a split second, they eased hold of Alexander. And Hephaistion could not believe what unfolded before his eyes. Alexander grabbed one of the guards' spears, and pushed it through Cleitus' hard body. Hephaistion looked at Cleitus in disbelief, trying to find an answer to this madness in Cleitus' eyes. Cleitus was looking back at Hephaistion; he managed to smile through the pain. There was no madness, but peace. Cleitus whispered still fixing his gaze on Hephaistion,

"Philip…" and then he went down.

Everybody rushed to Cleitus although they knew that nothing could be done. Hephaistion stood there in shock. But now he understood the love between Philip and Cleitus. It was different from Alexander and his, but still as strong. And he was somewhat relieved knowing the last thought of Cleitus was to join Philip. All of a sudden Alexander screamed in agony, and brought Hephaistion back to reality. Hephaistion asked Ptolemy, who was standing beside him, to escort Alexander to his chamber. Hephaistion wanted to tend Alexander himself, but he had a more urgent matter to take care of. He told Ptolemy,

"Leave Alexander in the care of Bagoas and come back as soon as you can. I will gather the assembly."

To protect Alexander, Hephaistion had to move very quickly. He ordered guards to remove Cleitus' body from the hall, and told everybody to remain.

This was a very serious issue, and Hephaistion was well aware of it. If the majority agreed that Alexander murdered Cleitus, they could finish Alexander's life as a king. In the Macedonian way, even the king was not immune from the justice system. Hephaistion thought the sooner was the better, while everybody's memory was still fresh, and while everybody still feared Alexander. That is why he did not have them clean the pool of blood left on the floor. He wanted to make sure to show what Alexander was capable of.

His calculation was right. They feared for their own lives, and started to point out how wrong Cleitus was. Some of them even called him a traitor. Hephaistion did not like this, but he did not protect Cleitus' honor either. To save Alexander, he had to compromise and swallow the urge to bring justice. It did not take even five minutes for them to come up with a conclusion. They all agreed that there was no ill doing on Alexander's part, and Alexander was innocent. They even said that they should not grant a proper funeral for Cleitus. Hephaistion stopped this, and told them that there would be a proper burial for Cleitus. Nobody disagreed.

Hephaistion left the hall. Now he had to face a more challenging task. He had to convince Alexander, and restore his sanity. When he arrived at Alexander's chamber, he found Alexander sitting on his bed, his face buried in his hands. Bagoas was kneeling in front of him helplessly, but when he heard Hephaistion enter, he stood up and looked at him worriedly but relieved. Hephaistion nodded to him, and Bagoas quietly left the room. Hephaistion sat on the bed by Alexander. Alexander murmured without looking up,

"What became of me? Everybody hates me."

Hephaistion spoke so soft, that it sounded almost like a whisper.

"No, Alexander, they still think you are their king."

"But I killed Cleitus, a brave old Macedonian warrior."

"Everybody knows Cleitus crossed the line. Cleitus knew too. They forgive you for that."

"But I cannot forgive my self."

"So, what are you going to do? Will you give up your dream and hide behind your guilt forever? Was your dream so unimportant? Do you make all soldiers' lives lost in battle meaningless?"

Alexander looked up at Hephaistion for the first time. Hephaistion took Alexander's face in his hands and continued,

"Alexander, listen to me. You know that you made a mistake, but you also have a duty as a king. As long as they consider you their king, you owe your life to them. You are the reason they came so far. You cannot stop now and abandon them in the dark."

Hephaistion saw a slight flame of life return to Alexander's eyes, and he knew everything would be all right once more.


	6. Chapter 6: Roxane

Chapter 6: Roxane

The next fall, Alexander made a painful decision. He decided to marry Roxane, Sogdian princess, for two reasons. One reason was to produce an heir. Alexander was now twenty-nine, and the time was quickly slipping away. The second reason was to unite the world. Alexander started to realize that he could not control his conquests without conserving the native population. He had to respect their customs to earn their loyalty. It was an extremely difficult decision, but Alexander had to perform his duty as a king.

The night when he made the decision, Alexander visited Hephaistion's room. Hephaistion was sitting at the table, and writing a letter to Aristotle, but he set the letter aside when he saw Alexander enter the room. Alexander pulled up a chair and sat in front of him.

"Hephaistion, we need to talk."

"Yes, Alexander?"

"It is difficult, but I will be direct."

Alexander took a deep breath. Hephaistion grew pale to see Alexander so serious. It could not be a good news. Alexander did not have the courage to look into Hephaistion's eyes.

"You know how my mother had been pressing me to marry?"

Alexander saw Hephaistion's hands start shaking, and took them in his own. He stood up, and closed the distance. This time, he looked straight into Hephaistion's eyes.

"You must understand Hephaistion, it is the king who is marring Roxane. Alexander still belongs to you, only to you."

Alexander pulled Hephaistion to his feet, planted a gentle yet passionate kiss on his lips, and held him against his chest so tight. Hephaistion almost lost all his breath, but he did not care. At this moment, it felt so good to feel Alexander's warmth against his body. Hephaistion wished the time would stop in eternity.

After the wedding, Hephaistion was so exhausted that he retired to his room as soon as it was not too rude to do so. Cassander and Bagoas came along. Hephaistion told them that he was all right, and he just wanted to be alone. But Cassander insisted on keeping him company along with Bagoas. Hephaistion did not have the strength to argue, and they all went back to Hephaistion's chamber. Although Hephaistion was hiding his pain very well behind his mask, Cassander and Bagoas knew how difficult it was for Hephaistion to accept Alexander's wedding. Hephaistion felt their love and caring and was grateful for their friendship. They all sat on Hephaistion's bed, and Cassander poured wine for all three of them, his plan for tonight was to make Hephaistion drunk until he passed out.

After couple rounds of drinking, they heard a knock at the door. They looked at each other wondering who it could be visiting Hephaistion at this hour. Hephaistion answered in a clear voice.

"Enter."

They all held their breath in surprise when they saw Roxane enter. She walked straight to them, and stood in front of Hephaistion.

"May I have a word with you Hephaistion?"

Cassander gave his famous stare at her, the stare that made even a seasoned warrior shiver. To her credit, Roxane stared right back at Cassander with her chin up, and said firmly,

"Alone."

Hephaistion stood up, and bowed to her and replied.

"Yes, Roxane."

With this, Cassander and Bagoas had no choice but to leave. Roxane walked to the window and Hephaistion followed her. When she started to talk, she was looking into the night as if she sees something else besides darkness. Hephaistion's heart was as dark as the night, as he knew exactly why the queen was here. He was sure that she came to tell him to stay away from her Alexander.

"Ever since I became fourteen, my father wanted me to take a husband. He arranged for me to meet dozens of them, all very rich. Some of them were as handsome as Alexander, but I could not say yes, because all they wanted from me was the lust. They needed a body to warm their bed, and bear a child."

She sighed and continued.

"And then, I met Alexander… and I fell in love with him."

Hephaistion's heart started to beat faster.

"He is different from any of them. He has such a noble and beautiful dream that you yearn to be a part of it. That is why I decided to accept his proposal even though I know that his heart does never does not, OR will never belong to me."

Hephaistion's heart almost stopped.

"Did Alexander tell you…?"

Roxane turned around and looked at Hephaistion with eyes full of tears.

"Yes. He told me that he would marry me as a king, but you are the only one he could love as Alexander."

Hephaistion was overwhelmed by Alexander's boldness and honesty. She continued.

"I came to plead with you tonight. I know that Alexander and you love each other deeply, but I want you to conceal your feelings in front of the army. I am not asking this to satisfy my pride as queen, but to secure the ground for Alexander's child. I want Alexander's army to accept me as a proper queen, so they will accept my child as a proper heir of Alexander when the time comes."

Hephaistion took Roxane's hand and raised it to his lips.

"Let me be the first one to honor you as a queen to Alexander's army… My queen Roxane."

Roxane crashed her body against Hephaistion's for a tight hug, the tears now flowing on her face freely. Hephaistion gently hugged back her tiny body. All of a sudden, she was just a sixteen-year-old girl. Hephaistion admired her courage and intelligence, and was glad that Alexander had made such a wise decision in choosing her.


	7. Chapter 7: Crateros

Chapter 7: Crateros

If the heat in Babylon could be described as the heat around the fire, dry and intense; playing and dancing around your skin, the heat in the Indian jungle was thick and wet; clinging around your skin like velvet. Sometimes the air was so thick it felt like it stopped right at the entrance to the nostrils; causing you to gasp for the air to fill the lungs. Lots of soldiers lost their lives, not to battle, but due to the illness caused by these extreme climate changes. Crateros was frustrated. He could cope with the deaths in battle, but wasting lives like this seemed pointless. This was a kind of fight veteran warrior Crateros did not know how to deal with.

One early morning, Crateros lost another captain to illness. He was still very young and had a full life in front of him. He was also one of his best, who had just started to show promising potential as a leader of the battalion. This time, the rage had been built up in Crateros so much; he had to find a target for release. He saw a slender figure walking by in the thick morning fog. Crateros immediately recognized him, and quickly but quietly followed him to close the distance. Hephaistion sensed this and turned around to face his follower. Nothing could escape Hephaistion.

Crateros grabbed Hephaistion's shoulders and pushed him against a tree trunk.

"Why? Why Alexander is doing this? Isn't it enough that he conquered Persia? Or is it you who is testing your power over Alexander and making him go further east?"

Hephaistion replied in calm voice.

'It is not my position to tell our king what to do."

"Then why is he doing this?"

Hephaistion's eyes narrowed and looked at distance.

"Do you still remember when we were in Pella?"

Crateros' mind traveled back to dear Pella in a second. Yes, he remembered sweet Pella, actually, his heart never left there. Hephaistion continued.

"Alexander was so passionate about conquering the world to unite it. We all dreamed of the glory he would bring us."

Crateros remembered one of those many nights, gathered around the fire, passing around the sheepskin filled with wine, listening to Alexander talk. Alexander was infectious. Everybody drowned in his dream.

"When I look into Alexander's eyes, I see the same flame of passion still burning there. "

Crateros now remembered the tingle of excitement he used to feel in his stomach when Alexander talked about his dream. He realized that somewhere along the line of harsh expedition, he had lost the purpose, but Alexander never lost his, and Hephaistion might be the only one who could keep up with Alexander.

"But those souls who died with illness are wasted." Crateros looked down the ground, and protested weakly.

"No, Crateros. None of the soul is wasted. Every soul has its own purpose in this life. Gods do not take it away until it completes the purpose."

Crateros looked into Hephaistion's eyes. There was no mocking in those beautiful clear eyes, just sincere warmness. Somehow those blue eyes reminded him of Pella, and soothed his soul. Hephaistion smiled,

"Give it time. You will understand. Those souls who touched your heart left something in you, you just have to wait for the right moment to unwrap it."

Crateros felt his faith restored, he nodded to Hephaistion and started to walk back to his tent. He was ready to face any fate in front of him once more. Now he knew where to look when his faith started to fade way, he just had to search for Hephaistion's blue eyes, his Pella.

Hephaistion stood there for a while. He wondered how much longer he could keep going. His heart desired, but his body started to fail. He shook his head to push the thought out of his mind. He could not leave this world yet. His Alexander still needed him.


	8. Chapter 8: Farewell

Chapter 8: Farewell

The expedition in India was very harsh for Alexander's army. Roxane lost her first child there, Jhelum swallowed hundreds of lives into the white stream, and Alexander himself almost lost his life at Multan. The return journey was not an easy one either. Thousands of lives were lost in flash floods, and later in the desert due to a lack of water and food. Although they were now safely back to Ecbatana, Alexander was facing another threat. His dearest Hephaistion had been sick.

Alexander spent as much time he could at Hephaistion's side. He visited Hephaistion at the first rise of the sun, and did not return to his room until Hephaistion went to sleep. He instructed his generals he should not be disturbed unless upon serious emergency. Alexander even tried to sleep in Hephaistion's room at night, but Hepahaistion insisted that Alexander needed proper rest if he was to take care of him. Alexander reluctantly agreed.

Hephaistion knew that his fate was near, and he could not have Alexander face it with him. He told Alexander that he felt better, and wanted to sleep a little longer in the morning. Alexander's face lit up immediately, and promised him he would come a little later not to disturb his rest. After Alexander retired to his room, Hephaistion called Bagoas to his side.

"Bagoas, I have a favor to ask."

"Yes, Hephaistion." Bagoas kneeled by his side, and looked into Hephaistion's eyes. Although the usual brilliant lights were dulled, they were surprisingly clear.

"Tomorrow morning, before Alexander comes, I want you to come to my room with General Cassander. I need for you to do a trick on me, like a trick you do on your face when you dance."

Hephaistion had to catch his breath.

"And make sure that you order some food brought to my room. It is time and I do not wish Alexander to be there."

Hephaistion closed his eyes. Bagoas lost his words. He knew that Hephaistion's mind was set, and he had no choice but to follow his order, but his heart was screaming in pain. He left Hephaistion's room to meet Cassander, thinking that Cassander would not like this, not a bit.

Next morning, Bagoas entered Hephaistion's room with some blush and oil. Cassander was right behind him with a tray of food.

"Hephaistion."

Cassander started to talk, but Hephaistion put his finger on his lips to seal Cassander's words. Cassander put a tray on the table, and settled himself at the foot of Hephaistion's bed.

Bagoas applied a tiny amount of blush on Hephaistion's cheeks, and some oil on his cracked lips. He massaged Hephaistion's hands with left over oil. Hephaistion was very still and quiet while Bagoas worked on him. Bagoas stepped back when he finished. Cassander gasped. Hephaistion looked much healthier and so beautiful, he wanted to believe that this was not just a trick of the eye.

"Help me up."

Hephaistion's voice brought Cassander back from contemplation. Cassander pulled him up, and Bagoas stuck pillows behind Hephaistion's back. Alexander entered as Bagoas was setting a tray of food on Hephaistion's lap. Alexander opened his mouth, but no words came out for a while. He finally managed to speak,

"Hepaistion, you look so good! So it was true you were feeling better last night."

"Yes, Alexander. Did I ever lie to you? I feel almost recovered. Why don't you go to the games this morning? I am sure they will be thrilled if you were there."

"But, I want to spend time with you."

"Come Alexander, we can spend as much time as you like after the games. Go on. Besides, Cassander and Bagoas won't leave me alone."

Bagoas had to look away to hide his tears.

"Are you sure?" Alexander asked, still undecided.

"Yes, very much. Now, since I am almost up, it is time for you to resume the duty of a king."

"All right, all right. You are one bossy Chiliarch."

Alexander chuckled, and embraced Hephaistion tightly, and kissed his sweet lips before he left. He felt Hephaistion's body a little too warm, but he thought it was because he was regaining energy. As soon as Alexander left the room, Hephaistion collasped in exhaustion. Cassander took the tray away, and rearranged Hephaistion's body to lie on the bed. After a while, Hephaistion whispered.

"Write a letter for me, Cassander. There is a pen and a scroll in the drawer."

Cassander went to the desk, sat in front of the blank scroll, and waited for Hephaistion.

"My Dear Alexander,"

Hephaistion started to dictate the letter with his eyes closed.

By the time when Hephaistion had finished the letter, he was covered with cold sweats. Bagoas was wiping his brow gently. Hephaistion opened his eyes, looked at Cassander,

"Now, let me sleep."

Cassander nodded to Bagoas. Bagoas handed a cup to Cassander, a cup filled with strong sleeping herbs. Hephaistion had great difficulty swallowing, but he managed. Bagoas walked to Hephaistion, while Cassander informed the guard to send a messenger to Alexander. Bagoas kissed him good-bye. Hephaistion stroked his silky black hair and said,

"Take care of Alexander for me."

Bagoas could just nod. Then Cassander approached Hephaistion, his eyes full of unshed tears. He pushed a strand of hair from Hephaistion's face and kissed him on the lips for the first time.

" I love you. I have always loved you."

Hephaistion smiled weakly,

"I know. And I am sorry to put you through this."

"I vowed to you a long time ago at Issus that I would do anything to make you happy, make your pain go away."

Hephaistion looked into Cassander's eyes for a long time.

"Thank you."

Then he closed his eyes forever.

Bagoas felt so cold and empty, he crouched at the foot of the bed, and hugged his knees. Cassander placed scroll securely in Hephaistion's hands on his chest, and stormed out the room, biting both of his lips, tears now streaming down his cheeks. When Alexander met with Cassander at the corridor, he knew that he was too late.

*****

Alexander rushed into Hephaistion's chamber. He looked so peaceful and beautiful; he hoped that Hephaistion was just sleeping. He moved to Hephaistion, and threw himself over him to hold his dearest. When Alexander felt nothing but a cold lifeless body in his arms, he realized that this was not a bad dream, but his Hephaistion was gone forever. He heard his heart shatter into pieces.

Alexander did not know how long he sat there holding Hephaistion's body. He gently put him down to look at his face. Now the first light had started to rise, a faint autumn ray of sun shone through the crack of heavy curtains. It settled on a scroll Hephaistion was still holding securely. Alexander carefully took the scroll from Hephaistion's hands, and unwrapped it.

"My Dear Alexander,

Please forgive me for lying to you. As muchas I wanted to spend time with you, I could not trust myself if I were to face death in your arms. I was afraid that I would cling to life shamelessly just to spend a moment longer with you. I wanted you to remember me as a brave warrior, like Patroclus to your Achilles. And please do not punish Cassander and Bagoas. It was I who took advantage of their friendship and asked them to be a part.

I am grateful that I could be a part of your dream. We went through some hard times together, but there is no regret. The only regret I have is that I could not stay with you any longer. But, please remember, I savored and cherished every moment I spent with you. I never doubted your love for me. You were always honest with me. I never told you this, but I was so touched to find out how honest and sincere you were about Roxane. She loves you so deeply, so please be kind to her. I wish you will have a son with her; the son you have always wanted.

Alexander, please be brave. My body won't be able to be at your side anymore, but my heart is always with you. You have stolen my heart a long time ago. When the time comes, I will be waiting for you. This I can promise for sure. So, don't be afraid. Keep going till you conquer your dream.

Until we meet again.

Deeply in Love,

Hephaistion"

Alexander was crying so hard. He read the letter over and over again.

"Yes, until we meet again, Hephaistion."

He whispered to himself in comfort.

Alexander stayed in Hephaistion's room for three days, and did not let anybody enter the room. On the fourth day, the generals feared that the corpse would deteriorate beyond recognition if they did not perform a proper funeral, and sent Ptolemy to the king. Before entering Hephaistion's room, Ptolemy took a deep breath, expecting the room to be filled with the smell of death. To his surprise, there were no ill smells, and more surprisingly, Hephaistion still looked as if he was just sleeping. Ptolemy thought as Alexander used to say that Hephaistion could be the gift from the god, Hephaistion could be the Son of God himself. When Ptolemy told Alexander that Hephaistion's Pyre was ready, Alexander just nodded.

The flame from the Pyre was shooting straight up in the faint morning sky. Everybody was quiet. Alexander murmured,

"Everybody hated him. They were jealous of him."

"No, they were not." Ptolemy interjected before Cassander and Bagoas could protest.

Alexander looked at Ptolemy in suspicion.

"You are just saying that."

"No, Alexander, I was there."

"Where?"

"Do you recall what Philotas was looking at in his last breath? And Cleitus? They were not looking at you. They were looking at Hephaistion. And I did not see any hate in their eyes. Instead, I saw submission, understanding and gratitude. Hephaistion must have touched their souls, and let them see the reason."

Crateros added,

"And Hephaistion was our Pella."

Alexander came to a sudden recognition. Ptolemy was right. He recalled Hephaistion's letter, "Keep going until you conquer your dream." Then he realized that his dream was not to conquer the world, but to be with Hephaistion. The world was no longer important to him. The only thing mattered was the love for Hephaistion. Alexander felt great satisfaction. He now knew he had conquered the most challenging world, his mind.

Nine long months passed. Alexander was getting weaker every day and he spent most of his time in bed these days. His heart and body desired to be with Hephaistion. One evening in June, Alexander called Cassander and Bagoas to his side.

"Let me sleep now."

He stared at Cassander intensely. Cassander sighed, and nodded to Bagoas. Alexander took a cup from Cassander gratefully, and drunk the contenst to the last drops. He smiled happily and looked at Cassander.

"Now, I can see my Hephaistion. No, OUR Hephaistion."

Alexander closed his eyes with the smile still on his face. Cassander thought this action might cost him the chance of being with Hephaistion when his time came, but he was content. He knew that Hephaistion was happy with Alexander in the Elysian Fields to enjoy eternal life together, no more battles, no more pain. Cassander whispered.

"I vowed to you Hephaistion, I would do anything."

End.


End file.
